Wednesday, 24 November 2010


Machete is a Mexican ex-Federale trying to make a living in Texas as an immigrant worker when he's hired by a powerful businessman to assassinate the Senator for $150,000. He reluctantly accepts, but finds he's been double crossed in an attempt to boost the Senator's ratings before an election. Escaping the men who are hunting him down, he finds allies in a immigration officer, a revolutionary taco vendor and his priest brother. He needs to kill the men who set him up before they kill him, but an enemy from Machete's past threatens to stop Machete in his tracks...

3 years ago, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino gave the world Grindhouse, a double feature paying homage to the exploitation films shown in 'grindhouse cinemas' in 1960's/1970's America. Rodriguez's contributions were one of the main features (Planet Terror, a really enjoyable standalone film) and a fake trailer for a Mexploitation film about a vigilante called Machete. 3 years on, Machete has made it to the big screens in his own film, appropriately enough named Machete. The trailer promised so much, an entertaining homage to the ridiculous, with a seemingly illogical plot to boot. Luckily, Rodriguez has delivered on that promise with this, and has made a second mock-exploitation film that easily rivals, and even at times outguns his previous effort.

Machete is, throughout, ridiculous, there's no getting around that. It's a ludicrous premise, it's completely over the top, the violence verges on cartoonish and the dialogue sounds like it was written by Tommy Wiseau. Altogether, it's an outlandish film, but that's exactly what makes this so enjoyable. Not once in the entire 100 minutes does it take itself too seriously. For the second time in a month, I feel the need to compare a film to The Expendables, as they're both star-studded action films. Whereas The Expendables tries hard to be credible and fails drastically, Machete knows it's outrageously excessive and goes with it 110%, cramming in the cameos with gusto and providing scenes ranging from over the top action to soft pornography. It's funny, entertaining, and a very knowing homage to the ridiculousness of exploitation films.

The cast is damn impressive. Danny Trejo, Machete himself, is just too cool for school, an all-out action hero. Steven Seagal is actually quite good, but because he's so bad; it fits with the film's aesthetic. He dons a fake Mexican accent and plays the 'overall' bad guy, not doing much apart from starring at the start and the end, and only briefly appears in the middle on a computer screen. Easy. Jeff Fahey is damn good as the corrupt businessman/spin doctor, he seems genuinely cold-blooded and calculating at times. Don Johnson of Miami Vice fame is, surprisingly, brilliantly evil as a border patrol vigilante without any remorse or good judgment. Michelle Rodriguez is fiesty as Luz/Shé, a taco vendor/revolutionary. Jessica Alba gets to deliver some fantastically stupid lines as the immigration officer who turns good and helps Machete and she kicks a fair bit of ass too. Lindsay Lohan is pretty bland as a Daddy's girl gone bad who then feels the need to seek revenge dressed in a nun outfit. Surprisingly, or maybe not, Robert De Niro is the only person in the entire cast who delivers a 'bad even for a film that wants to look bad' performance. Throughout the film, he's either lost at sea with the concept of going OTT, or he goes way too OTT and ends up gurning his way through certain scenes and looking stupid. It seems as if he just wasn't a good fit for this film.

The template Rodriguez established in Planet Terror and the Machete trailer 3 years ago is carried over here; dodgy sound recording, roughed-up film quality, cheesy dialogue, cartoonish violence, extremely loose plot points. All the scenes from that now-famous Machete trailer are used in the film and are now tied together with a plot, explaining how Machete can go from riding a motorbike with a machine gun attached one minute to making out with 2 naked women in a pool the next. Even though, at times, the story can be verge on overcomplicated and convoluted, it always reels itself back in to its own sense of warped reality and remembers it needs to be silly. It certainly verges on becoming serious with a quasi-political message about illegal immigrants and extremist views on immigration, but it always grounds itself with a healthy dose of violence and good bad acting.

Overall, it's a damn enjoyable 100 minutes with plenty to keep you occupied. Gore, boobs, violence, hammy acting, cheesy dialogue, bravado and plenty of machismo. Robert Rodriguez has become pretty good at recreating the look and feel of an exploitation film and seems to have recognised the right kind of balance between all its elements, something Tarantino missed by a country mile. It would seem 2010 was the year of the star-packed OTT action film, as seen in The Expendables and Red, and it would seem that these films have only gotten better as the year's gone on. It's taken us until November to get our hands on Machete, but my God it was worth it. I hated The Expendables, and I didn't mind Red, but I loved this. Thank God they fucked with the wrong Mexican.

Rating: ***1/2

Saturday, 6 November 2010

Jackass 3D

The kids are back! Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, Bam Margera, Ryan Dunn, Chris Pontius, Dave England, Wee Man and Preston Lacy are joined by a few familiar faces and a few famous friends for more pranks, stunts and stupidity.

Jackass has been entertaining/grossing out fans for over 10 years now on TV and the big screen. Now, they're back once again with their third film outing, but this time, they're in 3D. That's right, three dimensions. The punches and items flying through the air are coming right at you, and so is all the vomit and poo. Obviously, this is not an ordinary film: No acting performances, no writing, no plot/story. It's hard to know what to say about Jackass in a review sense, as well as hard to say anything that most people don't already know about it. It's Jackass, for crying out loud! I'll give it a go, but I can almost guarantee right now that this will be my shortest review ever.

I'll start off by saying that I'm a big fan of the Jackass films. They may not be clever, but they're funny, if not hilarious in particular sketches. The formula was well established in the TV show, and the budget of a big Hollywood production allowed them to go further in the films. Luckily, the formula hasn't changed. The development of the Jackass films has been clear since the first film. Jackass: The Movie had a very cinematic opening sequence and just went ahead with the sketches. Jackass Number Two had a cinematic opening skit as well, and also had a highly theatrical song and dance routine to close. Jackass 3D has very theatrical opening and closing skits which have been filmed surprisingly well, using slow motion and the eponymous 3D.

There's something to be said for the use of 3D in Jackass. It's done really well, and only becomes apparent in certain sketches as a way to enhance the humour, not create it, and it certainly doesn't dominate it. In all honesty, it's the best looking 3D I've seen so far, and I put that down to the use of 3D cameras to shoot the film, which have not only made the film look brilliant but made the 3D really realistic and deep. I imagine when James Cameron reinvented 3D cinema, he didn't have this in mind. The reason it works so well is because of what comes 'towards you' so to speak. Seeing paint balls, buffaloes, American footballs and poo (yes, 3D poo) coming towards you is done well and looks good. Even the poo.

The problem with the Jackass films is that fan expectation means they have to keep going further with each film, which becomes harder and harder as they run out of ideas and as the cast gets older. They don't look as young as they used to, but they're still going hard. On balance, I'd say Steve-O gets the worst of it this time round, which is especially bad for him as he's completely sober now, so will remember every horrifying detail of the 'poo cocktail supreme'. They are definitely more gross out moments than there have been in previous Jackass films, so be warned, and there's a really bad cringeworthy moment involving Danger Ehren's wonky tooth and a Lamborghini. You do the math. Don't say you haven't be warned - there's nakedness, pee, poo and vomit aplenty here.

Overall, you know what you're getting: Stupid people do stupid things. It may be gross at times, but you've got to laugh. It may not big or clever in any way, but it's just damn funny. The 3D fits the format surprisingly well, and doesn't hinder the film at all. The soundtrack is particularly good this time around as well, which sets a backdrop for a rather nice retrospect credits sequence involving clips from the TV series and the previous films with photos of the team from their youth. You get the impression they feel Jackass 3D is the end of the line for them, that this was a good time to look back on the history of the franchise and to close the book on it. Of course, they've said that after the last two films. Don't be surprised to see Jackass 4 in 3 or 4 years time, though hopefully the poo-cano is an idea that's been laid to rest forever. Hey look at that, this review was pretty long after all!

Rating: ***1/2